Why Aren't All Moms Fit AF?!

Each day, we work hard as moms. We rarely sleep, and we are constantly running, so why doesn’t it show on the darn scale?! Somewhere between getting the 10,000 daily steps my Fitbit demands of me and checking my scale religiously, I pondered that question. And came to one conclusion: Forget the treadmill and gym memberships. Screw the weigh-ins and calorie counting.

Although this is not how actual weight loss works, I have decided that in my perfect and completely imaginary world, moms would automatically lose weight doing the following:

1. Cleaning surfaces

I cannot be the only mom whose children enjoy spilling, smearing, and playing with their food more than eating it.

As a mom, you channel your inner Mister Miyagi and “wax on, wax off” daily. So, shouldn’t your arms be toned and your abs made of steel from all the spilled juice you clean off tables and smeared peanut butter you wipe off walls?

In reality, all you lose is some of your sanity.

2. Carrying your kid

Believe me, the best weights you own are your own offspring.

As soon as your toddler masters the art of walking independently, they will want to be carried everywhere and for an assortment of reasons: to the car because it is too hot, around the store because their feet are too tired, and on the playground because this workout is on them — like it or not.

Ideally, every mom should lose 3 pounds for manual labor of this nature. But, because life isn’t always fair, most of us just lose a functioning back.

3. Chasing your child

Remember the kid who wants to be carried everywhere? Yeah, well they also like to run everywhere too.

The great or not-so-great thing about toddlers is their never ending energy and their ability to run like Usain Bolt — especially in the most challenging of places.

Skip the elliptical and its resistance levels.

Chase your kid through the aisles of Target, dodging carts. Run after your child to stop them from running into traffic. Follow your kid up the tallest hill of the park, on the hottest day — until they find an even taller one to run up.

In my fantasy world, all moms would just go ahead and automatically subtract 2 pant sizes.

4. Making a bottle

A little bit of formula + A little bit of a water = A whole lot of shaking and arm toning.

5. Dishes

Between your 9-year-old’s Science Fair project and your baby’s projectile vomiting, chances are you don’t have time to hit the gym. No worries, because dishes are a workout all their own. There are squats to be done and high shelves to reach and other gym lingo I am not privy to.

6. Grocery shopping with kids

Wanna throw a little bit of cardio into your daily routine? Take your kids grocery shopping with you.

They will beg for every over priced toy. Their legs will stop working (see # 2). And they will throw the biggest and loudest tantrums in the middle of the busiest aisle.

Why does this count as cardio? Because with your kids in tow, you will want to get out of the store as quickly as possible. Consider it your very own personal version of Supermarket Sweep.