Oh boy, this is hard to admit, but here goes: I'm not always in love with my postpartum body.
I go through waves and cycles of thinking, "Wait, I have a life-giving, life-sustaining, powerful, beautiful body!" I think this in the shower, imagining my new wider (permanently wider) hips are like Beyoncé's, and that my curves are sexy. Then I whip back the shower curtain only to be confronted with my full-length mirror and think, "Oh no, no, no, not at all."
I've always been good at gaining weight and gained almost 70 pounds with my son. But baby weight comes with so many expectations attached, like it should magically disappear by the time you leave the hospital. I kept hearing, "Don't worry, you'll lose it!" until finally I started asking, "HOW?" And if I heard "Just nurse!" one more time I was going to lie down in the bin freezer at the grocery store and never get up, because I was nursing and it didn't seem to make a difference for me.
After months of struggling with these feelings, I've collected some truths that have helped me shift my perspective. When negative thoughts about my body creep in, I remember these insights, and honestly, they help. Julie Andrews was right—remembering my favorite things really does make me feel better.
Truth #1: There Is No Expiration Date on Maternity Wear
Recently, my friends and I were talking about possibly having another baby. One friend said, "I did not like having a newborn, but I loved being pregnant." My other friend chimed in, "Oh, yuck no. I hated being pregnant, but loved the pants. Still wearing my maternity pants right now and my son is 5. I'll never stop wearing my maternity clothes."
The lesson? That magical supportive panel can stay in your wardrobe forever. We can all use a little extra support, and there's no rule saying when you need to stop.
Truth #2: Your Body Has Its Own Timeline for Nursing and Weight
I love my doctor so much that I send her thank-you notes after our appointments. She's a mom herself and normalizes everything I ask about without trivializing my concerns. When I asked why I was so slowly losing baby weight despite my efforts, she told me something revolutionary: nursing as automatic weight loss is a myth, and for many women, their bodies will deliberately hold onto fat while nursing.
I had been frantically Googling "how to lose baby weight," only to find countless articles titled "How I Lost My Baby Weight Without Trying and You Can Too!" which invariably claimed nursing was the magic solution. But that simply wasn't my reality, and I'm not alone.
Truth #3: Your Amazing Body Deserves Time to Recover
It takes at minimum a full year for your body to recover from childbirth, and often longer. There is no "expected" or "normal" timeline for losing pregnancy weight. It might take 6 months, or it might take 6 years. And I know how hard it is when your life has suddenly turned upside down and not even your body, your constant lifelong companion, has stayed the same. But all of this transition is temporary and will eventually settle into a new normal.
After getting medical clearance to exercise, I started working out six days a week and meticulously watched what I ate. Nothing happened—I lost no weight. Discouraged, I swung to the opposite extreme, barely exercising and eating pints of Ben & Jerry's in a weekend. Still, nothing happened—no weight loss, no weight gain. My body was clearly saying, "Hold on, I need time to adjust to having given birth, nursing, and finding equilibrium." It's natural to want everything to normalize quickly, but our bodies deserve the grace to heal and regroup before we place heavy judgments on them.
Truth #4: The Transformation from Maidenhood to Motherhood Isn't Meant to Be Invisible
One day while gazing at my son, a realization struck me: how could I ever feel badly about anything that brought you to me?
Self-deprecation might lurk around the bathroom scale, and frustration might hang in my closet next to clothes that are still too small, but I'm learning to remember what I asked my body to do—and what it actually accomplished. I made the journey from Maidenhood to Motherhood, and I am proud of that. If traces of that transformation remain forever on my body, I'm working to be proud of those too. Why wouldn't I be? I gave birth, and that is nothing short of miraculous.
Truth #5: You Are Never More Beautiful Than When Raising Young Children
I was at a party, but not really—I was in the back room nursing my three-month-old baby. My husband would drift by occasionally, smiling and happy to be with other adults, bringing me plates of food that he'd mostly eaten on the way back. I worried if it was too loud for my baby even in this separate room. My stomach-sucking tights had rolled down, my nursing-friendly shirt was impossible to unbutton one-handed, and there I sat.
Motherhood was new, yet I felt old and beaten. I tried to be present with my sweet baby, but I felt very much alone and very much like I missed myself, my body, my life before this little bundle of unknown expectations entered it.
Then an older woman appeared and sat down beside me. She brought a full plate of food, a glass of water, and asked how old my baby was. Then she looked directly at me and said, "You ok? This is hard, hard, hard. I had three, and looking back now, I can think 'oh it was magical,' but you know what? It was very hard too. And as I sit here looking at you, I'm reminded that women are never so beautiful as when they have small children."
I laughed, feeling like nothing more than a bloated feed bag, but she continued: "No, really, it's true. When you have little children, you are love personified. You are pure giving and true love, and there is nothing so lovely and beautiful as that. When I look at you, you are radiant and so very lovely."
With that, she patted my shoulder, said, "Keep up the good work," and disappeared. That was the best party I've ever attended.
The Journey Forward
I still have days when I don't recognize the woman in the mirror. But I'm learning that this new body tells a story of strength, resilience, and profound love. Rather than rushing to erase the evidence of what my body accomplished, I'm practicing gratitude for its capabilities.
If you're in this same boat (staring at your postpartum reflection with complicated feelings) know you're not alone. Your body did something extraordinary, and the journey back to feeling at home in your skin deserves patience and kindness. The path from maiden to mother leaves marks both visible and invisible, and all of them are testaments to your power.
And on the hardest days, when nothing fits right and your reflection feels foreign, remember: you are love personified. There is nothing more beautiful than that.
Another great read: 10 Things They Don’t Tell You After Giving Birth
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