41 Weeks Pregnant

All these updates are getting tricky for me because I have no way of knowing if you’re still pregnant or holding a baby.

If you’re holding a baby, congratulations!

If you’re still pregnant, come here and let me stroke your hair and sing you Soft Kitty while you wheeze under the weight of your girth.

If you’re anything like me, you feel enormous and none of your maternity clothes fit anymore. You want to crash through walls and shout “oh yeah!” like the KoolAid man and people keep saying, “Good Lord, are you still pregnant?”

You have a new appreciation for how difficult it is for the elderly and morbidly obese to get around and swear you’re going to become an advocate for their rights once you catch your breath. You’re no longer scared of birth you just want this kid out of you, and if that means pulling it through your right nostril, so be it.

If it’s any comfort, you’re not alone. More than 50% of babies are overdue. Plus, you’re probably not actually overdue, and your dates were just off. Don’t yell at your practitioner, though – this is someone who’s going to help get a person out of you.

Hang in there, Soft Kitty. You’re in the final lap!

41 Weeks Pregnant Cheat Sheet:

• Even though you may feel like you've been pregnant forever, over 10 percent of babies decide to bake past their due date.
• Your baby will most likely use this time to be born more alert and with longer fingernails.
• Your due date was probably miscalculated. This is very common so don't yell at anyone. They should probably call it a 'best-guess-with-the-information-and measurements-I-have date'

How many months is 41 weeks pregnant?

Forty-one weeks is still considered the 9th month of pregnancy. This is clearly bullshit but I'm guessing the people who made this up know that they can outrun angry people who are 41 weeks pregnant.

This week's to do:

Learn about diastasis recti. This is a super common but rarely talked about condition that affects your ab muscles. Here's how to figure out if you have it, what to avoid that makes it worse, and how to repair it - Diastasis Recti - The Pregnancy Side Effect You Probably Don't Know You Have.

Postpartum hair loss. While we're on the subject of postpartum treats, I wanted to get hair loss on your radar as well. Check out The Truth about Postpartum Hair Loss: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow.

How are you feeling this week? Let me know here.