Clever Pregnancy Comebacks : Multiples Edition

My bud, Joslyn, knows a thing or two about being pregnant with twins and it sounds like you get some extra *special* questions and comments when you’re carrying more than one baby.

Here are some sharp comebacks she came up with when you’re in the “family way” with multiples!

“Wow.  You’re going to have your hands full.”

• “Yes, I am.  Here is the sign-up sheet so you can sign up to come over and help out.  There are several slots open between two and three in the morning.”
• Said wide-eyed and breathlessly, with hands clasped under chin: “Yes, full of looooooove.”  ::blink blink::
• “Congratulations on achieving your degree in Master of the Obvious.”

“Better you than me.”  (Seriously, I got this one.)

• “Obviously.”

“Wow.  How are you going to breastfeed that many babies?” (Said to me by drunken, leering co-worker at a party.)

• ::roundhouse kick to skull::
• “My husband’s taking some medications so he can help with that.”

“Are they natural?”  (This is code for, Did you use fertility treatments?)

• “No, latex.”

“Do twins run in your family?” (Also code for, Did you use fertility treatments?)

• “Yep.”  (Total lie.)

“Did you do fertility treatments?”

• “No.  My husband’s sperm is just super-powerful.”
• “No.  I slept with two different men, and that’s how this happened.”
• “I did.  Now let’s discuss your menstrual cycle.”
• “I did.  Now let’s discuss the most emotionally gut-wrenching time in your life.”
• “Why do you ask?”  This is the actual answer I always gave.  If someone asks because they’re struggling with infertility, I am more than happy to discuss it.  If you’re just being nosy, you can bite my huge pregnant ass.

“So, you’re like Octomom?”

• “Totally.  I’m selling my bras on e-bay right now.”

“You should get a reality show like the Gosselins.”

• “What a great idea!  Because I’m totally about exploiting my children while allowing a national audience watch my marriage fall apart.”

“My [insert distant relative] had twins and had the most horrible delivery.  Let me tell you all about it…”

• ::Knocks other person out cold with handy copy of What to Expect When You’re Expecting.::

“Aren’t twins/triplets/higher-order multiples more likely to have developmental problems?”

• “Well, that can happen to any child.  Case in point: you.”

“Oh. Mah. Gawd.  How are you going to lose all that weight?”

• “Your husband doesn’t seem to mind.”

Our next recos: Holy Shit, I’m Having Twins (or Multiples) – Where to Start